You cant polish a turd or Educating Chilli

When you have a mate that you are very fond of,
but you realise that perhaps he lacks certain social
skills , clearly you try to improve him. You suggest
that perhaps it wouldnt be a good idea if he put his
false teeth on the bar , while flicking his tongue
suggestively at the barmaid. No subtlety there.
Fat Ted was a mate of Chillis and he wanted
Chilli to get out of the daily grind of work, fruit
machine, betting shop, and back to the caddiemasters
for a sub....so he suggested a day out. The local bar
had also decided to spread its wings and had arranged
to join a golf /pub league. Soon they were going to play
their first game. They wanted to make a good impression.
Fat Ted suggested to Chilli that he should play for the pub
team but he had to be on his best behaviour and he wasnt
to get his enormous meat and two veg out, and he should
curb his language. They were due to play a pub from North
London which was frequented by a number of our fine
Metropolitan police.
The big day arrived and off they went. Big Ted looked
a bit concerned when he say that Chilli had bought a six pack
livener for the journey. Chilli and Big Ted were to play their
match against two coppers. Indeed the whole of the opposing
team were policemen. Chilli seemed in spitting good form...
he then looked down at his borrowed clubs and said
" Look at the fu*cking shit on these clubs ..." and he
then got out his mighty weapon to piss the dirt of the blades.
Poor Ted held his head in his hands . After the understandable
shocked reaction they all nervously laughed and hit off. Things
were going well and it seemed like it would be a jolly enough game
and so Ted started to relax a bit....perhaps a mistake ? As they
neared another match out there on the course...one of the
opposition shouted across to their game
" Whats the score in your match ...?
" Mind your own business you fat c*unt ...! " Chilli replied
Fat Ted found it very hard to relax after that and the
caddies pub never really got going in that league...shame
really...nothing like a day out.