Scratch , my arse !

Now Im not encouraging anyone to trespass. The
title of this small lament is just an expression of
regret as to how little golfers handicaps really reflect
their ability. In the course of a season we work for
many types of golfer with very varying abilities. To
play at a lovely course like the Dale one is supposed to
have an 18 handicap or under. Often on the big
corperate days we witness floggers who couldnt hit
Dawn French on the arse with a lacrosse bat. It is
astonishing and alarming. We could argue under the
new stringent health and safety laws we should be
supplied with crash helmets and protective clothing.
Ill bring it up at the next Caddie shack debating society !
Scratch, of course means that the golfer you are
helping should shoot par or under. Even at the top end of
the scale golfers tend to exaggerate their abilities. I
wonder honestly where these golfers get their handicaps
from....a catalogue ? Or they pick numbers out of a hat ?
It is such a shame as the handicap system is designed
so that golfers of differing abilities can have a reasonable
game. In most other golf developed countries they have
a national system where courses are even graded....so
handicaps can be adjusted accordingly . But over here we
cannot be arsed. Its so loose and amateurish.
The most common bleat that we have to listen to is
" Ive never played this badly in years......" they whine
As if we as regular caddies cant recognise a good swing
when we see one.......or suss out a chancer. The saddest ones
are the ones who turn on their caddies and shout.." You are the
worst caddie in the world...."
That would be too much of a coincidence.
The ones you really have to watch are the ones who claim to
play off 18 and they are nearer 10.....they are the real
slime bags especially if they ever win competitions. There is
a great scene in the film " Bad Golf My way " with Leslie Neilsen
when you see the Pope on the Tv making a fire and brimstone
speech and underneath the subtitles say
.....Its always the caddies fault.......
If only that were true....we would try harder to improve.
Scratch, my arse !