Caddy school .....part one...intro/outro

Normally you have just taken the lead in the
game of 9 card brag when the call comes....
" Hipster youre on ......youre with a bit fat
sceptic tank called Mr. Weinberger ...hes over
by the putting green with the orange and green
checked strides.....behave yourself out there and try
not to lose too many balls...! " snaps the caddiemaster.
...." Oh and yeh remember you owe me an apple core..
leave it in the office....." he adds cruelly.
Now from my sales training days I know how important
it is to make a good first impression. You never get a second
chance to make a first impression. I extinguish my cigarette,
check my nose isnt running , check my flies are done up ( dont
want to frighten him with my winkle ! ) and mooch confidently
towards the putting green ignoring the shouts of " RARE ! " ,
from the other caddies. Smiling with the few teeth I have left
I introduce myself....
" Morning Mr. Winkleberger....nice day for it ....Im hippie
Dave ..your caddie for the day ....! "
" Hi there....my name s Weinberger ...not Winkle berger...
have you got a cock fixation ? Hey guys we got a goddamn hippie
looking after us.....the first time he mentions Vietnam kick him in
the nuts.....I hope you are good at finding balls ...hippie shit....! "
Not really the start I was looking for there but...hey I have
another four hours to win them over. The name thing has
become a bit of a hurdle over the years . - Lord Brisbee I
called Mr. Frisbee which seemed to annoy him ......Mr. Enever
I call Mr. Enema.....and I know that one of these days I shall
call a Mr. Cox ....Mr. Winkle....its only a matter of time. Names
are important.....its good to remember....yes Im talking to you
whats your name...!
" Well actually Mr. Weinberger the other splendid chaps
that I work with say I couldnt find a hippo in a bath.....but Im sure
your ball will not be any problem...even though there are parts of the
course that are like Vietnam.......oooops....! "
" Kick his goddamn hippie arse Bob....."
This short piece , may I say , is not meant to be an attack on
our wonderful American cousins . I am not implying that they are
aggressive in any way or rude to caddies. Why only the other week
I caddied for a charming Yankee-doodle dandy who gave me a buck
and a half for my troubles. Marvellous people....salt of the earth.