......love conquers all.....yeh right

.......Well here we go readers....more drivel from a hard working caddie. It has been
a long time hasnt it ? As Jimi Hendrix said at the Isle of Wight before his premature
demise. What a year since I was last was with you. A busy year on the track..but more
importantly an unusual time was had by all. A chance meeting at Clapham Junction station has led to me going to Goa, Sri Lanka, and Copenhagen....and more good times
than an ordinary man could possibly hope for....

Happy birthday to ya....( Stevie Wonder )

Gadzooks....! Who would have thought it ? Keef is
65 today. A man ravaged by a life of drink and serious
drugs can now pick up his bus pass. Its about time he took
up golf. It doesnt bear thinking about what you can find in his
golf bag. Im sure he is sitting on a balcony somewhere in
the sunshine , sipping herbal tea, and fretting over what he should
wear to the local shops.
I love watching him in the video for the track " Waiting on a
friend ". Just the way he walks amuses me.And the first few riffs
of the " Midnight Rambler " still makes me want to jump round the
room.
Get 'em in Keef son....and dont hang up your guitar just yet.

How you gonna come (The Clash )

Just had to interject there son , before I bore you all
with details of the last walking season. Was so excited to
see someone vent their anger on the outgoing president.
The image of Bush ducking flying boots was too good not to
comment on. Heres some shoes....now...feck off. As we all
sit down to our sparse credit crunchie meals, and sell our
family treasures we should all reflect on the punishing cost
of having a total plonker in charge of things just across the
water.
The suffering that man has caused puts him right up there
with some of the most distasteful despots. What possessed Blair
to chummie up to him ? I know when I chummie up to a new pal , he
must at least know the capital of Paris. It really is shocking
what has happened over the eight years of Bushes reign. What on earth
are we to do ? Pass the celery....thanks.

End of year poem........

Ive walked for miles and for what ?
Is there a destination or not ?
What am I doing it for - am I losing the plot ?

Ive humoured morons and calmed toffs
My diminishing ambition chewed by moths
Is there someone up there that scoffs

Ive walked so far- I should be somewhere by now
Are there pictures of Paris in Krackow ?
What do I feel like now...a feckin row !

Clever Bastards ( Ian Dury )

Im reading my favourite clever bastard at the moment
---Stephen Fry . He wrote a book called " Hippopotamus ."
I like hippoes. And I thought thats handy. They apparently
attack and injure more humans than any other wild animal
in Africa. Thats not why I like them obviously. They are
just cuddly and good swimmers. I thought it might be
interesting to read about them . You never know the Maestro
might want me to go caddie for him in Africa some time...a
ball may land by a large pond...and I might find myself face
to face with one of these creatures. Its good to know what
to do...should you leg it , just try to stare them out ,
tickle them under the chin, or nut them ? I thinks its
important to be equipped with this kind of knowledge.
Im up to page 183 already and the plot is based in Norfolk.
No sign of a hippo No sign of any safari adventure. As free of wild
animals as Hyde Park. I feel strangely cheated.
It just goes to show.....You cant tell a book by looking at its
cover....and one shouldnt be fooled by titles.
An important lesson to us all I think.
Stay cool wont you

Tweet Tweet 2

" When the ball shoots off at right angles ..
Do I curse my caddy dumb
NO...I lift up my finger and I say
Tweet Tweet , Shush shush , Now now, Come come..."
So I implore you Binky , Bunty, Squidgy, and Jeremy
Leave it out ! Fucking turn it in. Thanks.

-----------------
Enough of that for now. I am going to now unashamedly
advertise my collection of music and comedy on my corner of
Youtube
www.youtube.com/lehipster
Enjoy there is some classic stuff there and soon I shall be
broadcasting some of my own stuff....cant wait eh ? well you will
have to......
Stay cool wont you ?

Tweet Tweet ( Fred Hall and his sugar Babes )

Having spent 8 years or so with the legend that is
Chilli , I like to think I am unshockable when it comes to the
English language . his mouth is like an untreated sewer.
However I dont work for him , I work for Toffs- some of
them educated to reasonable level- oh yes rather. When my
top man , we shall call him Maestro for legal reasons - you
remember the shot inventor and raconteur- starts swearing
female dog walkers who happen to be out on the course faint
and local tree surgeons cover their sensitive ears . He certainly
didnt learn that kind of vocabulary at Eton. If only the Dale
crowd could learn this song the general public and sensitive
caddies such as myself would feel protected. Please learn this
educational and soothing ditty.......
" Some people make a fuss
When a thing goes wrong
Some start to sware and cuss
Others sing a song
I dont do either
Thats all napoo
When a thing goes wrong for me
This is what I do
I lift up my finger and I say
Tweet Tweet, Shush Shush, Now Now ,Come Come......